In the world of Online Dating..the proverbial question remains the same. "Is a picture really worth 1000 words?".
The answer..in short. "HELL YES!".
Okay, okay this is not to say that you have to be smokin' hot or George Clooney but, your picture should reflect you as you are.
Some of you may remember in the late 80's and early 90's a little outfit called "Glamour Shots".
You remember, they enticed your grandmother and mom in and then proceeded to pile on more make-up and hairspray than Ronald McDonald wears.
The odd thing was..it was a frickin' hit! I mean everybody was doing this, from Grandmas' to Homecoming queens.
Think about it. When someone goes missing and CNN or MSNBC needs a photo, the family hands out the Glamour shot!
Why? Because it's the BEST that Granny has ever looked - outside of her wedding day anyway. She's got the er-uh professional make-up artist and hairstylist and 22 yards of pink gauze. Not to mention the Vaseline on the camera lens.
My point is simply this. When give the opportunity to take a half-way decent photo, you should.
I cannot tell you how many times (during my several years working for one of the largest online dating sites in North America) we received photos of people at their last wedding, with the spouse roughly torn out.
Yes, your make up and grooming was professionally done and you probably spent hundreds to look that good. Gimme a break!
A dating site is not where I want to see what YOU looked like at your last wedding.
Moreover, the people who lived in "Take-Me-As-I-Am" Land. No smiles, no make-up no nothin' and boy did the misery on their face say "Pick me for your match..I'm a barrel of laughs!"
There is a fine line between being true to yourself and being a model in hustler or the male equivalent.
People would invariably take their own pictures...in the bathroom mirror! Hey there's a winning photo. My favorites were the animal lovers. I suppose the idea was.."I'm a animal lover and an outdoorsy person, so don't pay attention to me, look at the person I should impress upon you that I will be".
Ladies, a word of advice "Ditch the cats for your photo". Even if you love cats and don't care what people think.. I guarantee that will think that you are the crazy cat-lady Doris, from The Simpson's.
Oh yes, Cat-ladies were the biggest complainers of not "meeting the right people"..hmm see a...wait for it... a connection there?
I'm not say you shouldn't have a cat, ferret, snake or dog in your photo, I'm just saying the best photos reflect the best of you.
Give your potential match, date, adult friend finder a chance to meet Mr. Mittens, Ozzy or Biscuit later and not as your first impression.
Other no-no's (don't worry, I'll post the list at the end) old photos. I'd have to say, I look fairly cool and thinner in high school, hell, even 10 years ago but, I would not want to disappoint someone who'd be look for that person when they met me.
True story: Woman posts a picture of her hotter (much slimmer) sister on her profile. The guys are lining up (image that!).
She sets up a date with a prospective love interest. They are to meet at a restaurant. He posts his real picture, so she knows what he looks like. However, she is completely dumbfounded when he goes to the restaurant and sees someone who "kinda-looks like the photo" and realizes what happened here.
He kept driving. She cried and sent us a lovely letter about how we crushed her faith, matched her with an asshole and how we should keep him out of our service for being a jerk.
Now before we get comments about how people put too much emphasis on looks...who was really at fault here?
Let's face it. This woman lied about who and what she was. Her date sized her up (no pun intended) and decided he wanted no more of her.
Was he being shallow? Of course he was. But this kind of event could have been avoided if both people where honest up front.
Seriously people, if a guy is 5'9 and his profile says he's 5'11 and a half or 6' or a woman says she weights 120 and the truth is closer to 160, don't you think a prospective date might notice?!
Well only if they can SEE!.
Lying about something that you cannot fix, like your age or height only hurts both people.
So, to summarize here are my Do's and Don'ts for online dating photos.
- Don't Take Your Own Picture
- Don't Take a Picture with Your Camera Phone
- Don't Post Your Old Wedding Photos
- Don't Take Pictures with Animals
- Don't Submitted Photos more than a year old
- Don't Submit Work Photos (fireman, nurse,janitors etc)
- Don't Submit Naked Photos (do I really have to say this?..it does happen)
- Do submit photos of you and a hobby (gardening, horseback riding)
- Do submit photos of the real you
- Do take your time in choosing the right photo. The right person will wait
- Do submit head shots
- Do get dressed up (sweats and a t-shirt and not going to cut it)
- Do make sure you are smiling (again, do I need to say it...I could tell you stories of frowning, one-eyebrowed people who I kept thinking "Is this THE BEST photo you could have sent..seriously..really?".
Consider the vending machines that take 4 black and white photos at once. You could be sexy, silly and charming and most sites will post all 4. People can see how interesting you are for a couple of bucks.
What you say in you photos are magnified in person - both the good and the bad.
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